I have a new favourite recipe at the poker table. It requires the following ingredients: 180lb of congenial player, one heaped tablespoon of crotchety old rock and one large pinch of obnoxious wannabe pro. Lightly simmer said components over a low stakes freezeout for a delightful, yet fiery blend, that will leave you feeling satisfied.

I discovered this compelling concoction at a £20 no-limit Hold’em tourney that is often populated by beginners, so when sitting down next to a fellow poker hack we were, quite frankly, buggering about. I can only conclude that our inane banter made a couple of the self-important local regulars peg us as rank beginners.

A slightly dishevelled Clive Owen look-alike sat three seats to my left.